Scible Imp

Woo Baby!

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:16:25 GMT

Hurray! Third time Auntie!

My sister had her third daughter on Monday afternoon -- 9lbs 3oz. Top that, if you can! Last I heard, they are still working on a name, but both mom and baby are fine. Baby is described as "serene."

I can't wait to see her!!!!!

***Update: They're calling her Elizabeth!

Working on it...

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:53:48 GMT

So I'm very slowly working on writing a new entry detailing our drive across the country, but with bar prep and all, it's taking a long time. In the mean time, please enjoy this picture of the greatest shoes of all time, which I now own:

46 Hours Left to Go...

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:57:11 GMT

I can't believe that I have only two days of law school classes left. I mean, without law school, what will we do? I mean, seriously, do? With our life?

My future is stretching before me like some sort of unlit, cavernous void...AAARRRRRGGGHH!!!!

Do you think this counts as an existential moment?

Thoroughly Boned

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 02:48:39 GMT

Hmm, how best to tell this short tale...

So one afternoon, a handsome young lad named Ben was playing Company of Heroes on his computer. He was playing over the Internet with his brother, Mike, who was far away in a land called Eugene. As the two played, they struggled against the forces of evil and anarchy, but no matter how hard they tried, their vile foes continued to advance and conquer.

Ben, recognizing the importance of open lines of communication while on the battlefield, called his brother on his cell phone to discuss their failing positions. Alas, the cell phone, being weak and scurrilous, cut out unexpectedly. Cursing, Ben reached for the land line phone, only to have it suddenly ring as he touched it. Stalwart Mike must have leapt to reconnect the call!

At times like these, when good men fight desperate battles against the coming darkness, there will sometimes occasion a moment when only a single phrase is needed to acknowledge the calamity. Quote Ben (upon pressing the "answer" button), "Yeah, we're boned. Heh, heh." Realizing that no other words need be exchanged, he proceeded to discharge the phone of its duties.

The bitter story of their defeat need not be recorded here. Suffice it to say that they fought the good fight, even to the terrible end.

A short time later (perhaps 15 minutes or so), as Ben and Mike were deep in their post-battle analysis, the phone rang once again. This time, my sister, the beneficent Andy, was the caller. Ben greeted her and expediently delivered the phone to me.  Here is a short transcript of our conversation:

Me: Hey, how's it going?

Andy: Good...

Me: What's wrong?

Andy: Oh, nothing. It's just...well, I called a little earlier, and Ben answered, and he...uh...well, he told me that we were boned. Then he laughed evily. Now I'm confused.

Me: Oh my God...(sounds of me rolling on the floor in spasmodic laughter).

Andy: So, are we still boned? If not, were we de-boned somehow? What does this all mean?

Anyway, when Ben inquired as to why I was shrieking in laughter, I had the immense pleasure of telling him that he may need to call Mike back to tell him about the general bonage, because the first message was intercepted.

It was a great day.

Doing Strange Things with Dogs

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:04:17 GMT

I’ve been meaning to post something in this blog for a long time, and believe me, I’ve had some excellent subjects from which to choose. For example, there was the annual Thanksgiving-extravaganza of 2007, the Washington D.C. trip, and of course, Ben’s Epic Battle with the Bathroom Exhaust Fan. I’ll try to post these stories at some point.

But on to the main topic: This last weekend, Ben and I hosted a little gathering that we called “Ben and Megan Hunt for Spring with a Wii After-party.” The basic idea was that we would go with a group of friends out to Griffy Lake and see if we could find anything in bloom yet, or, failing that, go for a nice walk on the one day in the last three weeks when it was not raining. Then afterwards, we were going to go back to our house and grill some food and play some video games.

So on Saturday, we went to the lake with our friends Brandi and Melissa and their respective dogs, Maximus and Kayla. Kayla, a petite Maltese, was sporting an Indiana U t-shirt (straaaange things with dogs), while Maximus, a perky Cockapoo, went au natural. Pix E came along, too – no clothes needed – though she did wear her new pink collar, which was acquired in an attempt to impress upon the minds of our assorted grandparents the fact that Pix E is a GIRL. (Ben’s grandparents frequently call her “little fellow.”) She was kept under strict control to keep her from savaging the other dogs. (As my niece says, Pix E has a bad attitude, but she sure is cute!)

The walk went well, despite some concerns about the mud. (The other dogs are both white, curly haired little dogs, and I imagine that keeping them white can be a real chore in the great outdoors.) We hiked for about an hour up and down the only major hill in Indiana. (Seriously. The only one.) On our way back, we passed a long, thick log stretching from the path out into the lake. Earlier, we’d passed this same log and witnessed some fellow hikers risking life and limb to climb out to the end, so when we reached it, Ben issued a challenge for one of us to do the same. I answered this by scrambling out to the end and back with, I like to think, a modicum of skill. Then, of course, Pix E had to hop up on the log and make her way up and down. (She’s an old hat at doing this – she and Ben like to surmount the wilderness at every opportunity.)

So after Pix E showed off her mad tree skillz, Brandi decided that her dog, Maximus, should do the same. Maximus, who clearly had more sense than any of us, looked at the rotting log and the slimy lake water and balked. This frustrating show of common sense led Brandi to “encourage” him up on to the log via forcibly lifting him up while threatening him with no dinner if he didn’t cooperate. Meanwhile, I stood farther down the log and called encouragements. (I think that during this time, Melissa was busy posing Kayla for one of the several hundred photos that she (Melissa) took that day.)

Just as Maximus was “helped” up onto the log, I looked up and saw that farther down the path, someone was standing, witnessing our craziness. Then, as I did a double-take, I realized that this person was one of our professors.

Of all the things that I would like my professors to spontaneously witness me doing, I have to say that compelling a recalcitrant dog to balance itself upon a log in the wilderness is not high on the list. In sotto voce, I tried to inform my colleagues that we were not alone. At this moment, Brandi shouted something to the effect of: “Dammit Maximus, if you want to eat tonight, get up on this log!”

Well, at that point, I figured that it was too late to pretend like we were doing something erudite, so I cleared my throat and said, “HI, Professor Ochoa!” (Maximus meanwhile was very swiftly released.) Fortunately, our professor was very cool and didn’t seem overly troubled by our odd behavior. (At least, we don’t think she will contact the Morals & Ethics board at the ABA.)

Anyway, other than briefly trying to compel the dogs to walk down the boat ramp and swim in the lake, we were basically done tormenting canines, so it was time to head home.

That evening, we were joined by our friends Nate and Sarah. Nate and Ben did battle with the grill to excellent effect, and we girls chatted in the kitchen. We played much Wario Ware, Wii Sports and Rock Band. Good times were had by all.

Here you can see Ben in the far back, Sarah on the drums, Nate on guitar, Brandi (on vocals?) and Melissa (who was playing bass).

A better shot of Melissa and Brandi. Note Melissa's bespangled pink butterfly guitar.

Here's Brandi on the drums -- her speciality.

\

And here you can see Sarah's eyes glow red with rage as Nate rocks out in her left ear.

THE END.

A Little Inspiration For Y'all

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 03:18:26 GMT

I've been meaning to write more for a while now, but I'm short on time for the moment. So, in lieu of a blog entry, I leave you with this inspirational video: http://www.americanflyers.net/introflight/abovevideo.htm

P.S. Beware of falling cheese.

Amazing

Wed, 02 May 2007 01:15:29 GMT

This is blowing my mind....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070501/ts_nm/britain_mystery_code_dc.

Also, check here:

http://www.tjmitchell.com/stuart/rosslyn.html

Almost done with finals....Income Tax and International Securities Regulations left to go.

Ta-Da!

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 22:25:42 GMT

Here are the results of our home improvement project! We finally put up the bead board in the kitchen to cover up the remnants of the hideous old wall paper. In the corner, you can see our new pantry cabinet, which is Super Awesome!

Nothing new in this portion of the kitchen, except that we've gained some new counter space by adding the new storage pantry. Our only real remaining project is to finish off the hole for the dishwasher.

Here's a reminder of what it used to look like - of course, this picture was taken after we painted the walls red. They used to be a horrifying yellow...

Spring Break

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 00:22:51 GMT

Woo hoo! Ben and I just finished up a glorious week of spring break! It was wonderful! It was relaxing! It was too damn short!

Seriously, we were in need of the break. In law school, you get the great benefit of having both a spring and a fall break, which is pretty awesome, but by the time the break rolls around, you can really see that everybody's just limping along. Literally and figuratively in some cases - it was a real bummer hefting my 58 lbs of books again this morning.

Ben and I spent our spring break doing home improvement projects and walking around in the great outdoors. We had a lovely afternoon at Griffy Lake, where we hiked the length of the north side of the lake. It was only about 3 miles all told, but it was moderately rough terrain, including a few times where we had to semi-repel down the sides of rocks and such with abandoned boyscout ropes. The trail was extremely narrow and tended to disappear for a few hundred feet at a time. Ben found a couple rocks that have impressive crystal formations in them, and we took two of them home. One of them I thought might be a geode, but when Ben went to smash it open with a hammer, it let off several impressive sparks. We're not quite sure what it's made out of.

We also hiked Bloomington's Rails-To-Trails, which is a set of really nice walking paths. We walked about 4 miles total, but I'd like to go back and walk the whole thing when we get another nice weekend. We saw a weird snake on the path - or I should say, Ben saw the weird snake on the path. Pix and I both failed our spot checks and almost walked on top of it. Ben suspects it was just a gopher snake, but we'll look up some local snake data to see.

I'm a total dork and didn't take any pictures from either of our walks, but I'll try to remember for next time. Next post, I'll put up some photos from our home improvement project!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 05:21:28 GMT

Could someone please explain to me in what universe this would be even remotely appropriate???

CLICK HERE

LOL-tastic

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 00:07:53 GMT

Right now, Ben and I are in a class called Legal Professions, where they teach us to be ethical and such. It's sort of interesting, but it's not exactly the sort of doctrine that has everybody taking copious notes. Plus, the class is from 6:40-8:40 at night, so no one's really in the mood to focus. Never the less, we mostly try to follow along in the discussion and contribute from time to time.

BUT!

Last week, this same time, this same channel, Ben sent me a link by Instant Messange to a Yahoo! news story that broke my usually cool, professional facade. It's really not a funny story at all - it's about a woman who was killed by some cheetahs at a zoo - but about half way down the article, there is a line that was so funny that I sat, shaking with silent laughter, hiding behind my laptop so that the professor wouldn't see, for about 5 - 10 minutes. Ben and I couldn't look at each other without cracking up.

I wanted to post it last week, but I couldn't risk laughing any more. Read it at your peril!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070212/ap_on_re_eu/belgium_cheetah_attack

....

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 15:04:46 GMT

The books are 58 lbs all told....

Weight of the World

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 02:24:18 GMT

So good news! I think I've made my one for the week, inspite of last week's Super Bowl Party (go Colts!). HUZZAH!

I've also instituted an exercise plan in which I'm trying to do an hour of walking 5 days a week. Last night, I went three and a half miles. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a major stiff neck, which won't be diverted by tylenol, advil, aspirin, or aleve. I swear it's from my two backpacks - yes, TWO backpacks. I can't actually fit all my books into one backpack. Actually, I can't even fit all my books into the two backpacks, either, but I've reached the limits of what I can carry. Ben and I are trying to work out strategies for our shared classes where we take only one set of books home and leave one at school, and I've tried to find various statutes and such online to cut back on some of my statutory supplements, but it's still a lot. I haven't had a chance to weigh them yet, but I'm guessing it's over 40 lbs. UGG!!!!

In other news, I've recently been diagnosed with a somewhat rare sleep disorder, severely delayed sleep phase syndrome: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome. Apparently, it's more common with kids and rarer in adults. My doctor prescribed some meds for it, but he and I have to wrangle with the insurance company first to get them to pay for it. I've been taking Ambien, which is great in that it knocks me out so that I can sleep, but it doesn't correct the problem like this new stuff is supposed to. My doctor also said that I have really poor quality sleep (58% efficiency). I'm really, REALLY excited about starting the treatment! Hopefully, it will make a big difference. I'll let you know! And if anyone is having good success with the weight stuff, let me know! Gotta stay on target...

Pictures!

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 23:29:55 GMT

Here are some recent (and not so recent) photos!

Here's a picture from Thanksgiving 2006 of our friends Brandi and Melissa! I think Ben was in the kitchen carving the turkey when I took this - quite a job since the turkey was so immense. We still have frozen turkey soup in our freezer...

Here are some pictures of Pix tolerating my family's new puppy during the Christmas break. Unfortunately, these are the only Christmas pictures that I have on my camera - I thought that I'd accidentally left it at home and then discovered as I was packing to leave that it was safely tucked into my backpack. The new puppy's name is Amy, and she's an awfully sweet rottweiler who is going to grow to immense proportions. When we got to my parents' house in December, she was about an inch shorter than Pix, but when we left she was about an inch taller.

And finally, here are some pictures of Pix in the snow!

That's all for now. I'll try to take a few more human-based pictures to balance out all the dogs. Tomorrow, we're hosting a miniature Super Bowl party where we will root for the Colts or be stoned by angry mobs, so maybe I'll get some good shots there.

THE GOAL

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:27:42 GMT

It's been a looooong time since I updated my blog. Every semester, it seems like things go along just swimmingly - I update the blog, get some exercise, keep up with the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, the Sock Vortex, etc. - until about three weeks before finals start. It's especially bad with fall break, since we slide directly from finals to Christmas (there's nothing like spending two weeks eating PB&Js and pencil lead, not showering, then getting on a stinking airplane and immediately spending a month in extremely close contact with distant loved ones). Anyway, suffice to say that we had a lovely holiday, during which we yuled and caroled, and poor Ben wrote a grueling 25 page paper on trademark law.

We've kicked off the new semester with a big chunk of reading and some law journal assignments. It looks to be a busy season! But, while there's still time before the exam slog, I want to enact my New Year's resolution. My master plan is to lose one pound a week for the entire year of 2007.

....(crickets chirping)....

Ugg, I'm finding it hard to be motivated right now, but I hope that publicly disclosing this plan via this blog will help me to stay the course. My plan is to make a weekly update as to my progress. So it's time to start counting the calories, move the boxes of Christmas presents off the treadmill and get going! Woo-hoo! Yee-haw... By the by, if any of you out there in readerland want to join along for the ride for a few weeks, months, what have you, feel free to post your own progress here!

Why Does Ben Keep Showing Me These Pictures???

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:10:30 GMT

Oh, man, look at them! They're like tiny loaves of evil pumpkin bread. I wants one!

Also, I'll try to write something more substantial once we're done with finals.

So Darn Cute

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 07:47:58 GMT

Must...be strong...resist!!!

The Short Life and Happy Times of the Pie

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 07:12:27 GMT

I now recall why we only have pie once a year.

It’s one-thirty in the morning. The apple pies are juuuust about to come out of the oven, and the pumpkins are poised to go in. The cranberry sauce has not yet been made, and the kitchen is a mess. And my feet hurt.

Making pies always sounds like such a homey, comforting, holiday kind of activity. I don’t know why I never remember ahead of time about how the flour gets EVERYWHERE and the dough bits get EVERYWHERE and how the pie crust NEVER-EVER actually covers the pie dish, no matter how carefully you measure it.

…

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP

Ah, I see the apple pies are done – one moment please.

…

AAARRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!!!

……

Hmmmmm…. Ok, I now have an entirely NEW reason for only having pie once a year. RIGHT after I transferred the apples out of the oven, a distinctly disturbing thing happened – the oven caught on FIRE. Here, in the style of many 911 tapes, is the actual AOL Instant Messenger conversation that I had with my mother during this state of emergency:

Scible: Hi Mom
Scible: what do you do when the oven catches on fire?
Scible: ummm, from a purely academic standpoint
Mom: put it out!
Scible: i seee......
Scible: we are finishing up the pies
Scible: apparently the apple leaked a bit during the cooking process
Mom: uh-huh...
Mom: and...?
Scible: and when we went to transfer the pumpkin in, the apple juices got all Armageddon on our asses
Scible: the pies are fine, though
Mom: whaaatt???
Scible: so all is well
Mom: Armageddon on your ...?
Mom: whattt??!!!
Scible: it’s just an expression
Mom: whattt??!!!
Mom: happened???!!!
Mom: is the fire out?
Scible: look, just because scary six foot flames were leaping from the oven doooooessn't mean you need to get on an airplane and get out hear ASAP!
Mom: are you sure?
Scible: No!

Actually, the flames were very tiny, polite flames that quickly dispersed once the heat was off and the oven door was closed. Ben has cleaned out the offending apple bits, and now the pumpkin pies are doin’-it-to-it in the oven. The apple pies are cooling smugly on the rack. I swear they did it on purpose.

I’m a bit concerned about how the apple pies will come out. The pie crust was EXTREMELY strident when I was rolling it out – when I wanted to roll left, it wanted to bulge right; when I wanted it to be all one piece, it wanted to crack into several bits; when I wanted to watch Law & Order, it LOUDLY insisted on watching CNN. Apparently, it is a very globally-minded pie crust, because as I was struggling to shape it, I swear it took the shape of several foreign countries. (In particular, France – which is why I suspect its PURPOSEFUL involvement in the fires.) In the end, I had to be rough with it, which is exactly the wrong thing to do with a pie crust. I only hope that it will forgive me and still bear some semblance to a pastry.

And now, I must to bed… dawn comes early, and the turkey is waiting.

I Have Achieved the Turkey

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 00:54:59 GMT

On Monday, I convinced Ben that we needed to make a lightning-fast run through the grocery store to scope out the available turkey resources. We stopped at the local Kroger, and I stretched in the parking lot. You gotta warm up properly before the hunt begins.

This was purely intended to be a guerilla-esk strike - no milk, no bread, just turkey. I ducked and weaved my way through the produce department, dodging angry shoppers. The Thanksgiving madness is already upon the Indiana shopper; there was a bevy of them, circling like sharks around the pre-made pumpkin pie display near the bakery.

I was traveling light, which allowed me to move fast and avoid being hit by grocery carts driven by shoppers on the edge. I toyed with the idea of swinging through the spice aisle to pick up some nutmeg, but no - you gotta have the discipline to stick to the mission. When I reached the meat fields in the back of the store, I saw the frenzy at its full fevered-pitch. There was a grumpy man poking moodily at some meat, and I decided to make my gambit next to him – men are just not as dangerous in these situations.

When I found the massive, bloated butterball lounging amongst the many, lesser turkeys, I knew he was the one for me. A sharp-eyed, sharp-nosed lady was aggressively pushing her cart toward him; I had to act fast. I snatched him up from his tiny, frozen kingdom and ran.

There was a lot of angry jostling once I reached the check-out line, but I held tight to my reserve and my turkey. One quick sprint across the parking lot, and I was scotch free! Ben had the engine running, so I leapt in, and we sped away, tires screeching. I think Ben may have been disturbed by the sheer size of the bird – and it is truly enormous. I won’t tell you how big until after I am sure that I can actually cook it successfully. Luckily, we are having some friends over for dinner on Thursday, so we’ll have some help eating the beast. Until then, I wish you all luck in your respective hunts!

Funnies

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 03:44:31 GMT

I have this picture as the desktop artwork on my computer, and I swear that I crack up every time I look at it.

Working on a new post...

Pictures!

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 23:09:47 GMT

Hurray! I've got the photos downloaded off my camera. Here's a little selection, in reverse chronological order:

Here are our Halloween jack-o-lanterns. We managed to get pumpkins despite the threatened shortage.

And here are some photos from my birthday party.

I was foolish and didn't get my camera cleared out before my parents got here, so I didn't get any pictures of them touring the school. Here's some old photos of our honeymoon.

This is Crater Lake.

Here's Ben and I in Portland:

And here we are near Seaside visiting the largest Sitka Spruce tree:

Here's the Astoria Column:

And finally, here we are at the beach near Seaside:

These are the starfish and anemones:

Hearing the Call

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 09:17:12 GMT

I recently got a surprise in a shipment from Old Navy. I had ordered some swanky, swishy shirts for various holiday events, which all arrived without problem (I don’t know how I would survive law school without Internet shopping – I’d never have any new clothes). As I was unwrapping the shirts and forcing Ben to appreciate them, I noticed a strange package – a small corduroy article. “Huh,” said I as I opened it up.

It was tiny, baby-sized, corduroy pants.

“Awwwwwww,” I croon. “Look, Ben, tiny pants! Tiny baby pants!”

Ben (who is NOT interested in clothing but is very nice about looking at what I show him) says, “Weird, why did they send those?”

Meanwhile, I’m clutching the pants to my chest and, inexplicably, tearing up. “They must have made a mistake,” I sniffle.

Ben looks at me with alarm and then glares darkly at the package. “Damn you, Old Navy!” he growls. “Sending baby clothes to my wife!”

But seriously, the whole baby issue is a big, BIG deal. The older I get, the more this becomes like some sort of titanic struggle in my mind. In my late teens and early twenties, having children seemed like a natural progression in life that would simply come in its own time and would, of course, be wonderful when it did. But the older I get, the more I question the whole child-bearing deal, while simultaneously, a powerful and demanding voice is sounding off in my head, insisting on procreation NOW, DAMMIT!

I think Ben might be suspicious that I ordered the pants myself in a fit of baby madness. (I totally swear that I didn’t. Totally.) He’s not entirely unjustified though, because I could maybe, possibly, probably see myself hoarding baby clothes – although, as I pointed out to him, I wouldn’t go for boring old tan corduroy. At the very least, there would have to be some cute little embroidery.

Where babies fit into our master plan is a tricky question right now. We’ve sort of thought that it might be good to be a) out of school, b) gainfully employed, and c) in possession of a savings account. Babies come free, but I’m told that they generally like to have things like roofs, clothes, food, toys, car seats, cribs, etc. I’m pretty sure they also want health insurance, college savings plans, tax-deferred trust accounts, and so forth.

Of course, what babies really want is to be raised by their parents, which makes me wonder why the heck I’m striving and struggling to learn the foreign direct investment laws of Brazil when, at some undefined future point, I might be staying home to take care of our kids. On the other hand, certain aspects of a legal education would probably be really helpful in child-rearing (when they claim that they didn’t knoooow that they weren’t supposed to put peanut butter in the VCR, I can say, “Ah HA! That is a regulatory offence, which, of course, has no mens rea element, so your culpable mental state is irrelevant! Now go get the Windex!). Law school is something that I’m know I’ll be glad I did when I’m 70 (maybe even sooner!), but sometimes it seem crazy from this side of the graduation ceremony.

I’m sure that I’ve completely freaked out my mother now who is worried that I’m overly focused on domestic concerns. I’d like to say in my defense, though, that the house is a mess, the laundry’s backed up, and there’s a weird smell coming out of the kitchen sink – but ALL of my reading for Evidence is done. And I think I almost understand the rules for hearsay!

Anyway, we have a little while yet before the whole baby thing comes to a head. In the mean time, I will do my best to savor the glorious, glorious freedom and to go on dates with my husband and to stay up late into the wee smas to write blog entries. Tomorrow, I’m taking the pants back to Old Navy.

Probably.

Working on it...

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:51:01 GMT

I've got another post in the works - I promise! I have it half-written, so I just need to whack out the last bit. Soon, my pretties, soon...

Top Ten Reasons Why Living in the Midwest is BETTER than the Coast

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 21:15:12 GMT

In honor of my friend Rebecca, who is suffering from midwestern ennui in Oklahoma, I have compiled a list of some of the best reasons to stake your claim out here on the Plains.

1) Superior Beef – For presumably the same reason why the vegetables are worse, namely that they are shipped from California, or possibly Mexico, the beef is simply tastier here at the source. Cheaper, too!

2) Beautiful Fall Foliage – The leaves are truly amazing here in the Midwest where there are actual seasons (although I could do without the extreme amounts of foliage that are piled on our front lawn).

3) Costs of Housing – In the Bay Area, we’d be lucky to live in a hole in the ground for what we pay in mortgage costs out here. A filthy, filthy hole...

4) Friendly Peoples – Never before had I had some complete stranger wish me a nice day as I walked down the street.

5) Rolling Green Hills – Despite the awesome California Cheese ads with those wacky cows, California is generally more of a golden brown then a vivid green. Indiana, on the other hand, is quite green nearly all year long.

6) Reflected Glory of the Coast – There is a certain je ne sais pas about being able to say, "oh yes, I grew up near San Francisco," which makes you seem hip and swinging, even if you (like me) are not very hip nor particularly swing-worthy.

7) Exciting lightning storms – As long as there are no major tornadoes, the lightning here is awesome (in the most literal sense).

8) Basements – Just in case there are tornadoes, we have basements here, which are neat! I always wanted a basement when I was little, but we just had a stinky crawl space.

9) Hardwood floors under carpet – Yank up your carpet in California and you’ll find a darn cement slab. Tear it out here in Indiana, you’ll find an honest-to-goodness real hardwood floor! Yee-haw!

10) And the top reason that Midwest living is superior…..The HOBBY LOBBY!!! What more could I say?

WANTED: One Wife (Or Possible Two)

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 05:51:09 GMT

You know, housework really sucks. Since my parents’ recent visit, I have striven to maintain the house at its new level of cleanliness – with mixed results. It’s truly amazing how much mess just two people can create. And getting up every single blessed morning to clean the kitchen gets old at an alarming speed.

Of course, this isn’t accounting for the true polluter of the family, Pix, who sheds her weight in hair on a bi-monthly basis. We brush her like twice a week but to no avail. If anything, brushing her seems to STIMULATE hair production. But we can’t be too hard on her, since she has had a cold this week and hasn’t been her usual go-lucky/neurotic self lately. This morning, though, she woke up much brighter of eye and bushier of tail…wait, that’s just more hair shedding out! Curse you, dog of Satan! (Really, she’s doing much better – and she got a special bone and new dog cookies to help in her convalescence.)

I have to pause in my rant against cleaning to, ironically, make a 1950’s-esk wifely endorsement of a vacuum cleaner. For my birthday, I received a truly great present; a Hoover wet/dry hard floor cleaner! (This may not sound so exciting to some of you out there, but Ben and I remember a time when we had no effective vacuum cleaners and had to curry our carpet with the dog’s shedding brush to get the hair out.) The new vac can either vacuum up hair and small, assorted dirts OR it can use a cleaning solution and a fantastical scrubber to wash the floor and then suck up the dirty water! Amazing! I highly recommend it for kitchen floors – ours is now spiffy clean, which is a first, because I seriously hate mopping. The wet/dry also works great on our area rugs, despite the manufacturer’s pleas that we not use it on carpet. My only complaint is that it doesn’t suck up the leaves that litter our living room (they lurk around the doorway and sneak in whenever the door is open), but I can always pull out the Big Hoover for those.

But seriously, housework blows. And the worst part about it is that the more you DO it, the more you notice what ISN’T clean. Like the old rim of rustiness around the tub drain never USED to bother me, but now I can’t take a freaking shower without staring at that grubby little circle. Or the way my husband drops his socks on the floor at night where they will be sucked in by the mighty Vortex under our bed. I used to not even KNOW that he did that – now I look at him and think, One day, you will pay. Mark my words!

Ye gods, and the cooking! It’s like, you go through all this pain and anguish, burn yourself several times, mess up the kitchen AGAIN, but finally you produce this lovely meal which gets promptly eaten by people who expect to get fed again the VERY NEXT DAY! Some company out there needs to make Bachelor Chow, like you see in Futurama, only they should call it Law Student Crunchables, and it should be delivered to our door once a week with a bag of apples, a bunch of bananas, a box of Vault Zero, and six cans of Campbell’s tomato soup. Perfect!

So in the end, what it comes down to is that I want a wife. Someone to deal with all the annoying stuff that keeps the house from falling to pieces, like paying the bills, doing the laundry, keeping track of the toilet paper consumption, replacing the light bulbs, dusting the blinds, scrubbing out the back of the refrigerator drawers, and fishing Ben’s socks out of the Vortex. I could totally pay them with pretty jewelry, random compliments, and a constant supply of Law & Order: SVU on the TiVo. And if they were angling for a raise, I wouldn’t mind a turkey sandwich. No mayonnaise, please. Interested parties may post their particulars here.